All In One Peace

Dreams are funny things.

There is this one dream I’ve had the last couple of years; it has been the sweetest dream I think I’ve ever had. I had always woken up with joy afterwards- and the profound knowledge that I am loved and have choice to love back. But, recently, with this dream I has given me anxiety more than anything.

Without going into details, in my dream I am faced between two choices to love and pursue. Both are amazing: one is a sure bet and comfortable and I will enjoy it immensely, while the other path is a risk- but the rewards are much more than I can even fathom. My dream ends there, and I wake up contemplating which to choose. After much prayer, I’ve always thought in this situation I’d go for the risk- I’d never want to knowingly and explicity live with a “what-if” senario for the rest of my life - and so I took comfort in the risk of losing it all to be found.

Lately, things have been coming together and I feel as if I am coming to this situation- and I feel much different. It’s like in Matthew 19, where the rich man is challenged to rid himself of all that stands between him and Jesus- his pocessions. Am I willing to take the risk? And what if my riches are my love for the Balkans?

A month ago, at a Tuesday night, I totally broke down. With a broken heart I had to admit, like the rich man, I would have a hard time. My sister, when I was talking to her about this said, “…all you do is talk about Bosnia. It would have to be something really amazing to keep you from that…” and she’s right. But am I willing to leave is all behind and follow when the risk arrives?

My soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
Psalm 63: 1b-3

At Tuesday Night worship, Dave Rorher spoke some beautiful thought-provoking words. In talking about Peter in Acts 3, which tells of Peter talking to the crippled man at the Beautiful Gate. He said of Peter,

I can’t play the part in the story you want me to play, but I’ll play the part of the of the story God wants me to play. -Dave Rohrer, 7.19.05

Peter had things into perspective…it’s not about Peter, or the crippled man- or me- but it is about looking for the larger story- something that I often forget…

Even in discerning what I am to do with helping the causes that are important to me (reconciliation, poverty, hunger, homelessness, etc.), how often it’s about what I can do to fix the problem. Hmm… when did I get this self-absorbed? Really, I can not offer much more than a blanket, a sandwich, a conversation, a smile. And while I do have moments that I try to engage and play a role, the question is whose story am I trying to be involved in? Mine or Gods?

Interesting thought…

I am reading William Sloane Coffin’s Credo , after Hallack and Lisa started pulled some books out, including this one, when talking about justice issues. I really like it so far- it’s compiled quotes of Coffin. I love one of the first quotes that takes 1 Corinthians 13 and summarizes it into one phrase “Love is our aim…” and then discussed how radical that is…

“…I doubt if in any other scriptures in the world there is more radical statement of ethics. If we fail in love, we fail in all things else.” Credo, Pg 5-6

How often I forget, or knowingly do not make Love my aim… I am sorry for fallng short of loving you…

Lord have mercy. That is, Kyrie elesion.
I have thought a lot recently about why there is so much hurt in this world. It has been shown that there is enough food to feed the world’s population, but there are those who are hungry. According ot the UN 6,300 souls die to AIDS daily, and while there is no cure, there are drugs to help stop the virus. According to the US Dept. of Justice, every 2 minutes a woman is raped, and and that 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys have been molested by age 18. War.

I can go on, but I’ll stop. With all this pain- from these things- to other just as significant things, like broken promises, or disapointment, Lord have mercy.