All In One Peace

What do you do if someone yells “Gas!” at you?
Well, for me I just sat there and thought, what did you eat…
But actually today it was natural gas, from a pipe outside… needless to say, a momment later we are all out of the church building and were out for a good hour, waiting and watching for Puget Sound Engergy and the Fire Department to come to fix the problem.
Between that, and a double birthday party at work, it’s been a busy day!

I would be lost without you
I love this site…

Dreams are funny things.

There is this one dream I’ve had the last couple of years; it has been the sweetest dream I think I’ve ever had. I had always woken up with joy afterwards- and the profound knowledge that I am loved and have choice to love back. But, recently, with this dream I has given me anxiety more than anything.

Without going into details, in my dream I am faced between two choices to love and pursue. Both are amazing: one is a sure bet and comfortable and I will enjoy it immensely, while the other path is a risk- but the rewards are much more than I can even fathom. My dream ends there, and I wake up contemplating which to choose. After much prayer, I’ve always thought in this situation I’d go for the risk- I’d never want to knowingly and explicity live with a “what-if” senario for the rest of my life - and so I took comfort in the risk of losing it all to be found.

Lately, things have been coming together and I feel as if I am coming to this situation- and I feel much different. It’s like in Matthew 19, where the rich man is challenged to rid himself of all that stands between him and Jesus- his pocessions. Am I willing to take the risk? And what if my riches are my love for the Balkans?

A month ago, at a Tuesday night, I totally broke down. With a broken heart I had to admit, like the rich man, I would have a hard time. My sister, when I was talking to her about this said, “…all you do is talk about Bosnia. It would have to be something really amazing to keep you from that…” and she’s right. But am I willing to leave is all behind and follow when the risk arrives?

To be really honest, I’m exhausted. I am extremely tired- I think in part because of the emotional week I had last week, and then that I am just physically tired. Until yesterday, i felt I like I was trying to rest in an emotional environment like this. Now I feel more a little more charged, like this
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The amount of beauty I find around me is astonishing. And how little we recognize our own beauty is equally astonishing.

I HAVE to say that I am surrounded by BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE! First, and foremost, I need to say that I do not know how I got such wonderful, loving, beautiful people around me- they surround me. I feel unworthy sometimes- but I’ll get to that.

This week, while talking to my friends, I was amazed that how people view themselves. To start it off, one guy made a comment about a change in his hairline; I wasn’t such a fast thinker in the moment, and afterwards I wondered if he made that comment, questioning his physical beauty. Another friend made a comment about how he worried about his weight, and same with a female friend of mine. To top it off I had to talk to a girl who was upset because someone teased her about her freckles.

This broke my heart this week… and gave me a lot to think about. First of all, these four people in question are literally some of the most beautiful/gorgeous people I know. And I mean physically as well as their hearts. Just by looking at them I would think how great life is, that I have such physically good-looking friends- and then I get to know them! With these four people in particular, their hearts exude love and kindness and service and sacrifice… the list goes on. With each one of these beautiful people I feel like Jesus is right there next to me- that they are being love incarnate to me personally.

Needless to say, not only are these people beautiful, but they are attractive as well. I do think there can be a distinction, at least in my book. To expand: It seems that you can be physically pleasing to the eye, but be dull, or cold, or estatic, which would be unattractive, and likewise, attract, or draw people to you without being a knockout. This is not the case with these people; they are not either/or. They are attractive AND beautiful! I could never spend enough time with them!

My thoughts on this are a mangled mess, but here are some of the things I’ve been thinking… First why don’t they see their beauty- and why don’t I tell them of their beauty? Where else do I not acknowledge beauty? Myself? I think I have a hard time with beauty myself- so I try to avoid the whole subject completely. I can just think someone looks good and say a little, “thanks God for making beauty int his world” and then forget/ ignore the fact that I should tell that person that they are made lovely. I think I’m afraid to let people know that I think they’re great- why would telling someone a positive truth about themselves be such a scary thing, I dunno. I guess I just have issues.

But then maybe we all have issues- insecuritites. I mean, I see it clear as day itself how their beauty shines though- and yet they do not see it themselves. It reminds me of a quote I wrote down from Nelson Mandella. Part of it I have with me-

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who are we to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so other people won’t feel insecure around you… And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. -Nelson Mandella, 1994

While I question this sometimes, I think in this case it rings true. So all you reading, this- remember you are created beautiful… and if you do not believe it, come talk to me for a few minutes and then ask me about your beauty… I’ll try to be more aware in telling you.

Yesterday I went out with Hillary to the Balkan restaurant, then to coffee to see pictures of ROM. It was marvelous! Again, we made friends with the konobar (waiter), named Sloven, who is the new owner as well. I love going there- after the initial shock of cultural nuiances, of course. We always end up talking to some of the regulars- and now some of them remember us! It’s such a great thing, as they are interested, or enthused that someone is interested in them and their culture.

Hillary is great! She rocks- “another one bites the dust” to loves the Balkans!

I also wanted to say that BBC posted another article about Kosovo… Sloven said he been back to the region, specifically Kosovo, to translate for troops and such… He was unaware of the upcoming talks for th out come of the region- so I wonder how much people know there- and how much we know here….

My soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
Psalm 63: 1b-3