All In One Peace

So my friend Hillary was here this past week… it was fun to see a friendly and familiar face around. Samuilo took us around to Nis to visit EUS there. We’ve spent some time in the city- and also with various students. It was good to see her. IT was great to catch up- as much has happened to both of us in the last few months that we haven’t seen each other. Thanks Hillary for everything! You rock and I love you!

I have to admit I wrote this 1.5 weeks ago… and haven’t been able to upload it… here is it…

I was talking yesterday with the two other women who live here at Kairos, Ana and Tamara about language during the coffee break (every workday at 11:30 there’s a MANDATORY break for coffee (kafa-Bosnian, kava-Croatian, kaфa- Serbian) or tea (caj)- There is no lunch hour here, but this seems to take its place, and the conversations over coffee always end up interesting- from blood and guts and operations to arguing how the best way to prepare a dish, or something- always very interesting to listen and watch- especially when people here get animated.

Anyway, back to yesterday- we all said we all LOVE Italian and Spanish, as they are so fluid and sound melodious. And I see the language here Bosnian/Croatian/Serbian whatever it’s called here and in the whole region- very similar in those aspects. To add, people here use a lot of hand motions- which I have to say is VERY helpful when I haven’t learned the verb they are using yet… They asked me what it sounds like to a foreigner, and I told them what I thought- halfway between Italian and Russian. The ends of all the words in a sentence change to match, ending in e’s o’s, a’s or I’s- so it’s fluid- but the beginnings are all more like the Russian … it’s beautiful- but the changes do make it rather hard to get right…they even told me the long term missionaries who have lived here for years and know the language mess that up a lot.

I have to admit that learning here has been difficult- not just because of the cases (changing of ends, I think I could eventually get that) but because of the regional differences. For example, later that same day, I was talking to Dejan and he was taking a look at my journal- which I write only in Bosnian- except when I’m taking notes to an English sermon. He saw one of my entries, when I was using all of the phrases that pertained to me and my family in one of my language books as practice. It said, “I am single” was “Ja sam samica”- Well, he told me that that wasn’t right- I should use Ja sam neudata (which makes sense “udatati se” is to be married of a woman, so I can remember that). But I was so stupid and started saying that my textbook said it was the other way- he then informed me that samica, would be used more “solitary” as a woman who has been in solitary confinement and it sounds culturally like I have been in jail if I say that…. Hmmmm.. He said that the writer of that book was probably trying to differentiate between languages by using that word- but everyone in all the regions here would usually use that for prison….

There are so few language books/dictionaries out there for either Croatian or Serbian (I have one in Bosnian- it’s a book one of my refugee friends in Seattle gave me- it was what the American government gave him to learn English- but even Bosnians have found many mistakes in it). But then, especially after the war(s), each side is so much more polarized that they use different grammar structure and rules- and different words too!

So I had to quickly relearn the grammar structure and conjugation rules, as I had learned Croatian, while most Bosnia and Serbia dose it differently. Also, Bosnian is much more fluid than the other two, and since the word itself changes to indicate meaning, they feel much more free to change the word order to stress other parts (For example, English is dependant on word order most of the time for cases- We would say, “The waiter gave Jasna the food.” And we know that she is being served. But “Sally gave the waiter the food”- would mean one thing entirely different- maybe she’s returning it!)

The many of the words here are of Turkish origin, hence the differences here. However, with no Bosnian dictionary, I’m learning words and then when get familiar enough to use it, I am corrected and told of another word that is used here! Unfortunately, its not like someone using the cue instead of line, or hoover instead of vacuum. The political pride and connotations make it much more important to use the right word, even if everyone understands what you mean.

This is why the language is so difficult. Danger, or any other linguist out there- you’d love it here!

So I’ve been in Beograd for little over a week- but it feels like I’ve been here months (other than the language bit)! This city makes me feel like I’m in New York- but if I can make it here I could definately make it in New York, where I know the language.They call Belgrade the “New York of the Balkans”- no wonder with about 2 million- traffic, people, busyness- everywhere. Its amazing to sit and watch people run to and fro everywhere during the day… although I ususally only have a chance to sit and watch as I am on a bus somewhere. I’m one of those busy people!

I am living with two amazing gals- Ana and Jelena. Ana is finishing her studies in Pharmacology- and she has only a few exams left. (The school system here is rather different than in the US, although they are doing major reforms to make it more like the US system… even writing a post on it wouldn’t suffice, so I will just let it go until we are in person). Jelena came back to Serbia from studying in the UK- she was there 5 years without coming back- unfortunately they denied her visa to return (You could not believe how many stories I’ve heard from this region of people who went somewhere to study, do a program exchange, etc. and then when they went home for a holiday they were denied to go back- even if they were not finished with their studies/programs… everyone says its because Western countries are afraid single youths are less attatched to their country and might try for asylum… but then why are they letting them come for the first part of the programs???). Anyway, so Jelena is here now working and trying to fix her visa so she can finish her last semester in computers. Both Jelena and Ana are very sweet, and as I am both a foriegner and at least a few years younger, they have been great in showing me how things work here.

So I live with them in the tallest building in Belgrade, called Genex, alsmot near the top (there are 30 stories!). We have an amazing view! Also, next door is a flat owned my Samuil’s mother- and missionary groups working with EUS will be moving in and out of that flat- so I have other foriegners around (as well as many peole who come in and out of our places for various everyday. Go to http://www.thehighrisepages.de/hhkartei/belgenex.htm for a picture of our building.

Dobro dosli u beograd!!!
i made it here on tuesday… and ever since it has been crazy… I have been busy non-stop!!! I have even met some people high up in the government!!! I will share more when I can… but some students are coming over for a movie night! Bosnia, I will miss you (well, the people of Bosnia)… but I am so amazed how my gifts and talents are being put to use right away here!

**** Just so you know ****
All is good here- nothing crazy or bad is going on here because of Slobodan Milosevic’s death… there is a lot of talk here because of it… but I will give more updated posts on that.Everything is calm and peaceful- and most Serbians I’ve met are amazed that its been in the international news constantly … There is much insight, so keep posted. When my computer is connected the net, I’ll share…

I was out yesterday with Tamara in Sarajevo and we went to eat a traditional Bosnian meal. In teh little restaurant where we were, there was a little TV with no sound, but it kept playing scenes from the war here. I asked Tamara when we left, if today was a special day in history here, as the news kept showing the Scenes (I almost missed Independance day here, as I was inside the Kairos Centar almost the whole day and didn’t see any of the memorial wreaths or closed shops until afternoon)- She said she didn’t know- but then when we got back to the Centar, Dejan came to us and said Milošević passed… CNN was certainly ready for that- they had a 5 minute online report about it, the same day. I haven’t heard much else here reporting on it.   

That’s it! More to come when i know… isn’t life full of adventures??

Love, CJ

I have only cried twice since I’ve been here. Rather good, for the emotional roller coaster ride I’ve put myself through. Both have been after conversations. I have been in knots about this, not sleeping well, sharing and talking incessantly whenever someone will listen to me. Now, I am crying because I have lost Bosnia.

I just finished speaking to one of the two people I’ve relied upon most here. I asked for his forgiveness if I left. That is what is keeping me here- I know some of the youth have shared with me very personal things some have been very hospitable- and the other have been the listening ear to me here- and I hold all of their trust and friendship very seriously- it is a responsibility and honor to know these people. It is a gift they have given me, and I treasure it and do not want to break that.

I am stuck in a conundrum. I feel like I am stuck in the story of the Good Samaritan (see Luke 10). Bosnia, like the road to Jerusalem to Jericho, is not the safest place. I have watched people strip others and leave them for dead here (not literally, just figuratively). This is a common occurrence, in many contexts and facets of life here. Furthermore,  I know more of the back story, as I know more of the back story and know why the robbers are robbing (We all must remember that there must be some reason why there are robbers, their motivations, their needs, and their hurts too. The man they hurt has obvious physical pain- inflicted by the robber- and so it’s easy to see and empathize; but the robber has some hurt/need too, to go the extreme of hurting another- the question is what that is).

I have watched as I see the “fallen men” here try to recover. Maybe I am the innkeeper in the story- I’m living along the road and I hear all of what happened and is still happening- and am trying to help the men back to health…I have been so upset, that I have gone to some of the robbers and have told them of the pain they’re causing. I should’ve known better, that doing that wouldn’t be the right way- in fact, then I caused pain- became a robber and was robbed myself…and the cycle continued.

Jesus asked which of the three who saw the man was the neighbor to the fallen man… and we all know the answer was to Samaritan. The Samaritan knew who he was, his position, and still did all he could to help. He did what was needed, when it was needed. The young man I talked to today and asked for forgiveness if I leave… he’s the good Samaritan here. And that is why I’m crying.

See, I feel strongly about the quote I have on the bottom of my email from MLK… not only do we need to see the look towards the Good Samaritan, but envision and transform the road so it’s a safe place. My Good Samaritan here… he doesn’t seemed phased by any of this around him at all. In fact, even though he doesn’t know the details of things, he has called me courageous a few times.  But he is the courageous one….

My conundrum-  I see where I am in the parable, but where should my place be? I want to road to be transformed so bad- I am tormented by not being able to stop the hurt, and the hurt that has already been afflicted. And my Good Samaritan said something that really struck me to be true to me- (paraphrased) “when you are so conflicted internally, you can’t serve God the best you can. God can use you here in a season- who said a season here has to be 1 year, 3 months? What abut 10 days?” But leaving the road means just that- leaving to road with the problems and the hurt … and knowing its still there.

Watching this Samaritan work, when I have had the chance, has been great and such a blessing, but the road and the robbers keep us apart often. And I have found the job itself (trying to be the Samaritan and licking wounds or the innkeeper) a rather lonely one. But there is another option- leaving the road indicates the nature of the very road, and the need for change.

So, God, I ask… how will you change the road? How will you change Bosnia? Where do I fit in with all this? Am I to stay and be a lonely wonderer for the hurt, like my friend. Or am I to leave, with an eye on the road from afar? How can I be an advocate for your change? Will I ever get to see/hear of your transformation? I love the road… and the people on it. I do not want any more people hurt. My friends and myself included. I know you do too.

Crystal